What Is Manliness, Anyway?

Launching the redesign of the Art of Manliness has gotten me thinking about our history, and how my understanding of manliness has evolved, deepened, and changed over that nearly two-decade-long span.

The idea for the Art of Manliness came to me in a Borders (RIP) bookstore. As I browsed their selection of men’s magazines, I thought about how they all generally had the same kind of articles: a highlight of the hot babe of the month, a feature on a $10,000 watch, a profile of a celebrity I didn’t care about. Not a lot of it resonated with me as an average guy, a married law student on a budget, and it felt like there was more to a man’s life that wasn’t being covered.

So I decided to start the kind of men’s lifestyle magazine I’d want to read. Something more practical, useful, and edifying. I’ve never been particularly interested in gender, so I had no intention of using my soon-to-be-launched blog as a place to examine maleness from a sociological or anthropological perspective, or to hash out debates between the sexes. I started AoM to be another men’s lifestyle magazine like Esquire, GQ, or Men’s Health — just scaled down into a smaller-time publication. It set out to be a blog that covered the principles and skills, in every area of life from health to finance to character, that make for a fulfilling, mature, and successful adulthood — aimed at men.

And that’s what we’ve been doing ever since: on AoM you’ll find articles on everything from how to throw a punch to how to make polite conversation to how to establish healthy habits. It operates in the spirit of Marcus Aurelius’ mantra: “Waste no more time arguing about what a good man should be. Be one.”

That being said, I have seen the value of occasionally delving into the important question of what makes for a good man, or for a man, period. AoM offers advice on things men are, on average, interested in and should be well versed in, and it’s helpful to have some context on just why men are drawn to those things and should be proficient in them.

So from time to time, we’ve dived deeper into the question of what manliness is, anyway.

In the early days of AoM, my idea of manliness was very centered on its more philosophical — and ancient — definition.

In his Nicomachean Ethics, Aristotle set out a code of ethics for men to live by. For the philosopher and many of the ancient Greeks, manliness meant living a life filled with eudaimonia — human flourishing. Aristotle believed that man’s purpose was to take actions guided by rational thought that would lead to excellence in every aspect of his life.

For the ancient Romans, manliness meant living a life of virtue. In fact, the English word “virtue” comes from the Latin word virtus, which meant manliness or masculine strength. The Romans believed that to be manly, a man had to cultivate virtues like courage, temperance, industry, and dutifulness.

For Aristotle and the Romans, manliness centered on striving for excellence and virtue in all areas of your life, fulfilling your potential as a man, and being the best brother, friend, husband, father, and citizen possible. And this remained the dominant definition of manliness in the West up through the 19th century.

Someone may question this definition of manliness by saying, “Wait, shouldn’t women be striving for this kind of virtue and excellence as well?”

Of course.

With this definition of manliness, manhood is the opposite of boyhood rather than womanhood. It’s something you achieve as you progress past childhood to maturity. A child is self-centered, fearful, and dependent. A man is bold, courageous, respectful, independent, and of service to others. Thus a man becomes a man when he matures and leaves behind childish things. Likewise, a woman becomes a woman when she matures into real adulthood.

Both sexes are capable of and should strive for virtuous, human excellence. You could say that when a woman lives the virtues, that is womanliness, and when a man lives the virtues, that is manliness.

This is not to say that the sexes are identical. In The Code of Man, Dr. Waller Newell argues:

We need to aim for the highest fulfillment of which all people are capable—moral and intellectual virtues that are the same for men and women at their peaks—while recognizing the diverse qualities that men and women contribute to this common human endeavor for excellence. We need a sympathetic reengagement with traditional teachings that stress that while men and women share a capacity for the highest virtues, their passions, temperaments, and sentiments can differ, resulting in different paths to those common pinnacles.

Which is to say that women and men strive for the same virtues, but often attain them and express them in different ways. The virtues are lived and manifested differently in the lives of sisters, mothers, and wives than in brothers, husbands, and fathers. Two different musical instruments, playing the exact same notes, will produce two different sounds. The difference in the sounds is one of those ineffable things that’s hard to describe with words, but easy to discern. Neither instrument is better than the other; in the hands of the diligent and dedicated, each instrument plays music that fills the spirit and adds beauty to the world.

The idea that manliness = virtue remains the primary ethos that undergirds AoM and the fundamental way I answer the question “What is manliness?”

But there came a time when I got curious about another question: what exactly lends men and women their distinct temperaments? What is it that shapes the male and female “instruments” in different ways, resulting in the distinct music they make?

So back in 2014, we took a really deep dive into finding out. Around this time, the media was going through one of its periodic cycles in which there’s a lot of handwringing about the state of men. Various media outlets and public personalities were putting out commentary and think pieces on the nature of masculinity and what was the matter with men. A lot of this had a negative slant on the nature of men, and little of it was very incisive or helpful. So we decided to add our own, hopefully sound, balanced, and illuminating voice to the mix.

The result was a book-length series on the biological influences and evolutionary pressures that shaped the nature of masculinity and the universal cultural imperatives that grew out of it. The research and writing of that series really enhanced my understanding of the reality of that nature and the significance of its repercussions. If you haven’t read it, I recommend it; I think it’s both interesting and accessible, and it ends with how to integrate the knowledge of the biological/anthropological/evolutionary nature of masculinity into living a fulfilling life as a modern man:

What emerged from that series doesn’t contradict the idea of manliness as virtue; rather, it casts light on why men are drawn to and defined by certain qualities more than others, especially by what The Way of Men calls the four tactical virtues: courage, strength, mastery, and honor. (By the way, we’ve done an incredibly in-depth series on honor as well, which is also available as an ebook).

Today, my definition of manliness consists of a synergy of two things: manhood (virtue) and masculinity (the biological/anthropological forces that have shaped the male nature). I think manliness comes down to the combination espoused by the people of Crete: being a good man, and being good at being a man.

I think there are objective standards for masculinity and manhood — they don’t just mean whatever you want them to mean — and an individual man can be closer or further from them. But I don’t think there’s just one way to embody those standards — one exact way to be a man. And I still don’t have an abiding interest in gender stuff or debates and recriminations between the sexes. I’m still just trying to put out a fun little men’s magazine.

I think the average guy is like that. He’s not thinking a ton about gender differences. He just wants to be himself, do valuable work in the world, feel confident and competent, and be a worthy husband, father, and friend.

Grasping the background context of manliness can help you better understand yourself as a man. And then once you’ve got that understanding, you just keep going on trying to live a good life. Just get skilled. Just become excellent. Just be cool, man.

This article was originally published on The Art of Manliness.